my former boss told a background checker that she didn't know me

A reader writes:

I applied for a job and they did a background check and called my ex-boss. She told them she doesn't know/remember me. I worked there for four months, four years ago, but I worked with her directly and there is no way she wouldn't remember me. Plus, I went and talked to her beforehand and said, "they are trying to contact you so please talk to them." 

There is no HR department there (it's a doctor's office and she is the doctor). Is this legal?

What?

I mean, it's possible that she really might not remember someone who only worked there for four months four years ago, but you went by and reminded her right before she got this phone call, so that's not what's happening here.

I can see three possible explanations here:

1. She's crazy or vindictive (or crazy and vindictive). Did you have any reason to think that before this?

2. She's really ineptly trying to avoid giving you a bad reference. Did you leave on good terms? How was your work? If one or both of those didn't go well, it's possible that she feels uncomfortable speaking about your work and made a really stupid choice about how to handle that. Believe me, I'm not saying that leaving on bad terms or performing poorly would be a reason to claim not to know you, but I'm trying to figure out what could possibly compel someone to do this. 

(For the record, if you're asked to give a reference for someone you don't want to be a reference for, there are plenty of options for handling it, and they don't include denying ever knowing the person. But christ, it sounds like we're not even talking about giving you a reference; we're just talking about employment confirmation.)

3. Last, it is possible that this was just a miscommunication somewhere. It's not inconceivable that the background checker called the wrong number, or that your former boss misheard the name, or something along those lines. This is all the more reason to call her and find out what's going on, and also to be proactive with the new company.

Is it legal, if it was intentional? I'm not a lawyer but I think there's a good chance that it's not. But your more immediate problem is what to do about it. I would do two things:

1. Call the company you're applying for the job with. Tell them you have no idea why she didn't remember you, but offer to provide whatever documentation you can. Do you have your W2s for that job? That would both confirm your employment and make her look highly unreliable in one swoop, which would be nice.

2. Call your former boss. Ask her what happened. Be really, really nice about this, to maximize your chances of the best outcome. Act like you're assuming it was just a miscommunication, not intentional. See if she'll resolve this.

Good luck, and please let us know how this plays out.

unreasonable job application instructions

A reader writes:

OK, is it just me or is this crazy-making? I found a job listing via a national job bank specific to my field. I'm interested, but...it's unclear to me if this position is based in their East Coast office, or if, since it's a "Field Organizer," it is based elsewhere. I'm only interested in doing the work of applying for the job if I don't have to relocate. And it is work--they're asking for a cover letter, resume, writing sample (3 pages maximum) and contact information for three references from your most recent employment and/or education.

(Would these 3 references need to include someone from where I work now? Because obviously that would be awkward at best, potentially harmful to me at worst if the word got back to my boss...)

I looked online at their existing staff and unfortunately that did not provide me with any additional clues. I can’t even ask them the question of where the job is located, because they say in their instructions, “NOTE: We are only accepting applications by email. Please do not make any inquiries about the position or the status of your application. Because of the volume of applicants we anticipate, we cannot respond individually to each application. We will contact those applicants that are of interest to the Search Committee directly.” Do you have any recommendations for how to deal with this?

Ugh. Your options are:

1. Just suck it up and apply, and then ask the question about location if they contact you. But I completely agree with you that it's ridiculous that you should have to go through the work of doing this just because they left crucial information out of their job post.

2. Call and ask, despite their instructions. This is such a reasonable question to have that any employer who held against you would be being ridiculous. (And I'm fairly sure they weren't envisioning this kind of question when they wrote that anyway; they were thinking about "tell me more about the job" calls and "what's the status of my application" calls.) I would call and say, "I realize you requested no calls, but the job posting doesn't indicate where the job is based."  Someone will tell you. If you're worried about it being held against you, don't give a name. Or at least don't give your name.

3. Check on LinkedIn to see if you have any contacts in your network who work at or used to work at this organization. If you do, see if they can find out for you.

I would do 2 or 3, personally. I'd probably just do 2, actually, because it's faster and I'd be irritated that they were making me expend energy on anything else.

Now, on the references, I am a huge proponent of not providing references until you're close to the offer stage, to prevent reference fatigue. Requiring them at this stage is BS -- first of all, no one sane checks references until they're seriously considering making an offer ... although as the candidate, you can't be confident that they won't), and so therefore it's not smart to ask you to share these when you haven't had any contact at all with the company and don't even know if you'd be interested in the job (which is always the case, not just because of this particular location question). 

I would be tempted to include a note saying, "Out of respect for my references' time, I prefer they not be contacted before we've had a chance to determine mutual interest, but I'd be happy to provide numerous references at that stage." ... But of course that lands you squarely in the middle of where so many job-seekers end up these days -- wanting to assert a perfectly reasonable prerogative, but realizing that doing so may get you rejected. It's infuriating.

But under no circumstances should you provide references from your current employer at this stage. You may at some point decide to allow your current employer to be contacted (at the very end stages of this process, or if an offer is extended contingent on that reference), but now? Before you even know you're interested, or that they're interested? Absolutely not. Use ones from your previous job, with a note explaining that you're currently employed and your job search is still a below-the-radar one.

And really, if anyone reading this is engaging in these practices on the employer side, cut it out. And even if you're not involved in hiring at your company, if they operate this way, say something about it. Maybe all Ask a Manager readers can vow to investigate hiring practices wherever they work and speak out against this crap.

don't check references? here's a horror story for you

This post is for anyone who has ever said or secretly thought that reference-checking is a waste of time.

Not long ago, I had a job candidate on the verge of being hired. He had wowed everyone in the interview and clearly had the skills to the do the job well.

Something was strange about his reference list, though: The references he offered were from several jobs back; his list didn't contain anyone from either of his last two jobs, even though he said his current boss knew he was looking. And one was a former professor, although he'd had several jobs since school. Red flag or someone who just didn't know how to put together a good reference list?

We asked him to put us in touch with two recent managers, and he did. Okay, I thought, his lack of push-back or caveats could be a good sign.

And then we called them.

We found out that he'd been fired for theft and fraud at both of his last two jobs, and even served time in jail for one of those cases.

Imagine if we, like some employers, hadn't bothered to check references at all, or hadn't pushed back to get more relevant and recent ones. More to the point, would your reference-checking practices have kept this from happening to you, or would this guy now be working down the hall from you, defrauding you too?

Check references. And to make that check more valuable, use these tips too:

* Don't limit yourself only to the candidate's list of references. If the candidate has offered peers (or professors or "personal" references) rather than managers, or people who haven't worked with her recently, ask to be put in touch with the specific people you want to talk to.

* Call main switchboard numbers. If you know the reference works at XYZ Company, look up the company's main number online, call that, and ask to be transferred to the person, rather than just calling the direct number you were given. It's not unheard of for candidates to give you a friend's phone number so the friend can pose as the former boss. [Or even to pose as the reference themselves; see the incredible comment from MJB on this post (toward the end of the comments list.]

* Ask the right questions. If you just run through a perfunctory list of questions, you may never get to the most useful information. Rather than asking questions like “Is there anything Joe could improve in?” (to which a lot of references might respond “nothing comes to mind”), ask, “If you had to pick two ways Joe could improve, what would they be?” Also, you can provide options where there's no “bad” choice and ask the reference to select the choice that sounds most like the candidate – for instance, “Some people thrive in fast-paced environments but might err on the side of losing precision, whereas others are incredibly precise but do better when there’s more time to focus on their work. Which sounds more like Joe?” (If you want a list of great questions, here's a really good one from The Management Center.)

References are only a waste of time if you treat them like just an item to check off your list, rather than as a genuinely valuable part of your assessment process.

must your resume say that your "references are available upon request"?

A reader writes:

Do hiring managers still desire the "References Available Upon Request" line on a resume? 

They do not. It goes without saying that your references are available upon request; it would be really odd if they were not. 

Get rid of the line and use the area it frees up for some soothing white space.

it's not illegal to give a bad job reference

A reader writes:

My wife and I go back and forth about this one all the time.

A former secretary of hers was moving and searching for a new job in her new city. The problem was that this person wasn't the most reliable employee. She was always late, took days off without calling and had some other quirks but when she was there she did good work.

My question is if someone calls you about a former employee what can you say and what can't you say?

I have always believed that you have to tell the truth because if you give a shining recommendation to a crappy employee it will come back to you.

A lot of others tell me that it is illegal to say anything bad about a former employees.  Is it really illegal?

No, it is not illegal, as long as what you're saying is factually accurate. 

What has happened is that some companies, in an effort to avoid the headache of nuisance lawsuits, have implemented policies that they'll only confirm dates of employment and title, rather than commenting on performance. These policies are pushed by lawyers who believe in playing it safe; after all, even if you can easily win the lawsuit, it's still a huge pain to have to deal with. So, the thinking goes, why even invite that hassle? It's easier to just refuse to comment.

As a result, this urban legend has sprung up, where tons of people seem to believe that it's actually illegal to give a bad reference. But corporate policies are not the law. (They're often not even followed by the companies that have them.) It's perfectly legal to give a bad reference, as long as it's honest.

I have always given honest references, because I want others to provide me with the same courtesy. However, when I can't give an employee a good reference, I'll warn her in advance, so that she knows not to offer up my name. (Some employers will still call anyway; really good reference-checkers won't just stick to the list of names the employee provides.) 

In any case, you win the bet with your wife.

should my boss proactively email a prospective employer to recommend me?

A reader writes:

I'm applying for a job in research at a big university, and a career coach gave me the following advice: in addition to submitting my resume and cover letter through the online system, I should also have my current boss (principle investigator) email the hiring manager with a short and sweet "hey, my assistant applied for the position of research assistant, she's very capable and skilled, etc. let me know if you have questions." He said to cc the lead research scientist on this as well (who does hold sway in the hiring process-it's his lab, after all). 

My boss said she'd be happy to do that, but expressed hesitation at emailing someone she doesn't know with information about someone they don't know. Should we do it, or is it just another annoyance to the hiring manager and I should let me resume and c.l. speak for themselves? Are there rules for this sort of thing in higher ed hiring vs. the business world?

It's absolutely worth doing if the email is going to really rave about you. If it's going to sound generic or tepid (which hopefully you can figure out from your relationship with your boss and her personality), skip it.  

I've done this for a small number of people before -- employees who I thought were absolutely amazing -- and as far as I know, each time I did it, they ended up getting an interview. 

But I've also been on the receiving end of this where the boss's letter just wasn't that enthusiastic -- reading more like a generic letter of reference that the boss had written as a favor. Those don't work. In order for it to be successful, the note has to give the reader the sense that the boss considers you truly above and beyond, that she feels she's doing the employer a favor by tipping them off to you. Every boss is searching for rock stars -- if the letter conveys that that's who you are, any smart hiring manager is going to be excited to take a longer look at you.

Which means that your boss needs to (a) really feel that way about you and (b) be capable of conveying that in an email. If she considers you average or the letter sounds like she does, it doesn't really get you anywhere ... but it's also still not rude for her to reach out on your behalf, so she shouldn't hesitate on that account.

Of course, one of the reasons it works is that so few people do it, so it stands out. If everyone learns this secret and starts doing it, it'll probably dilute the impact.

a tale of bad interviewer behavior, this time with reference abuse

A reader writes:

After a 45-minute phone interview with a small non-profit in another state, I was invited to interview in-person. The interviewer contacted me two days prior to the interview to request that I provide the following to her, in less than 24 hours:
- Phone numbers for four references, who were then subjected to their own 45-minute interview prior to my in-person interview. (Two of them have since indicated they cannot be a reference for me again as they were offended and put off - I would have warned them but I had no idea that would happen!)
- A complete executive level communications plan. (I provided 10 pages).
- Two writing samples on a topic of the interviewer's choice, written in two different styles.

To comply with these demands, I had to rearrange my work schedule, already crammed by the planned out-of-town interview. I lost business, and a lot of sleep.

When I reached the interview, they informed me that I would be in back-to-back 35-minute interviews with SIX people, one of whom was the prior holder of the position. Then I would lead a strategy session. After all that, they told me they'd let me know in two weeks.

After three weeks, they told me the position was no longer available. I found out they kept the prior person, who was, unsurprisingly, a rather unpleasant interview who spent the group session literally making unpleasant faces in response to my answers, although I tried to be as tactful as possible.

I guess all you can do is laugh, but I have two questions:

1) Do you think this was some sort of shock-and-awe interview system, that I failed?
2) Is there a way to reassure my references this won't happen again? Or should I just try to develop new ones? I really feel awful!

For that matter, if I can throw in a third question, should someone request my references prior to the interview again, is there a way I can tactfully find out whether they're planning to ambush them prior to even meeting me?

Wow.

No, I don't think it was an intentional shock-and-awe approach. I think it was just bad hiring.  Where to begin...

Warning sign number one was when they gave you less than 24 hours to provide fairly involved work, without any notice or any consideration that you might have other commitments for that time. That screams "we're self-centered and think we hold all the cards, so prepare yourself for further inconsideration from us."

And of course treating candidates poorly indicates an employer isn't particularly strategic about hiring, which was further backed up when they did lengthy reference checks before they even interviewed you. It's silly to do that before an interview -- a smart employer waits until they know they're strongly interested in a candidate before investing that sort of time. Plus, once they know the candidate better, they may find there are specific things they want to ask her references about. Talking to references before an interview denies them that opportunity (not to mention potentially wastes the references' time).

I suggest contacting your references and apologizing profusely. Tell them you had no idea this was going to happen, that your experience with the company after that indicated that they weren't the sort of company you'd want to work for anyway, and that you're terribly sorry that the company was so inconsiderate of their time. Ask them to please forgive what happened.  And they should -- this is obviously not your fault. The two references who have said they won't speak on your behalf again -- what's up with them? This is obviously the employer's fault, not yours, and it's not as if there's something about you that's likely to provoke this sort of thing again in the future. Apologize profusely and ask if they'll reconsider; if they won't, they weren't great references to start with anyway. Great references are your champions and want to help you.

And yes, in the future it's absolutely okay to request that your references not be contacted until the employer is seriously interested in making you an offer. It's reasonable to want to protect your references from fatigue.

does a request for my references mean anything?

A reader writes:

I know you've answered a plethora of questions regarding references.... but. I had a phone interview last week with the person who would be my hiring manager (VP of Marketing). It went very well, and she invited me into the office for an on-site interview. The on-site interview entailed interviewing with first the Marketing Director, followed by the Marketing Manager whom I would be replacing, and then lastly with the VP Marketing who I phone interviewed with and would be my boss.

The interview overall went very well. When I was having my last interview with the VP Marketing who'd be my boss, she closed the interview by asking me to email her a list of references! I did so that night. However, the VP was clearly unable to gain feedback from the other 2 interviewers because they were all back to back in the same day. I'm being optimistic... but how common is it for someone at the VP level to ask for references if they are not serious about hiring you? It's been 3 days and I'm getting antsy. I know my references haven't been called, because I've been following up with them.

I know you aren't a clairvoyant psychic, but if you could, please provide some insight as to how common it is for interviewers to ask for references, and then do nothing? Never check them? Either because someone better has come along? Or it was just a formality? I do have a feeling that I was one of the first people that they interviewed based on their answers to my questions (a little uncertain of themselves with their reply to say a question about what the preferred method of communication is within the team?) When would it be appropriate to follow up? And if so, shall I mention that they haven't checked my references?

Okay, calm down. You're doing that thing that people sometimes do after a date where they micro-analyze every word to try to figure out whether the other person liked them or not.

The reference request, I'm sorry to say, probably doesn't mean much of anything.

Many interviewers ask for references at the end of an interview as a matter of routine, unless the candidate completely bombed. This is so that once they are ready to pick a finalist and check references, they don't lose any time; they already have the info they need to make the calls. If you want, in the future when you're supplying references, you can say, "Can you give me an idea of when my references could expect to hear from you? That way I can make sure they're available, or supply alternate ones if they're not going to be." Often that will elicit useful information, such as "We generally only call references of our finalists, and we'll know who our finalists are and start calling references next week."

By the way, even if you are their top candidate, three days is nothing. These things often take a while. Did you ask them what their timeline is for next steps? It's really important to ask that at the end of an interview, because it will save you from obsessing over why they haven't gotten back to you yet, when in fact they might not even be planning to move forward for three weeks.

(And I've vowed not to answer any more questions about how to follow up because I've answered it enough to bore myself and probably others, but you can find information on following up here.)

And last, no, do not point out to them that they haven't checked your references yet. They know that.

Calm down, breathe, distract yourself with other things. Good luck!

current employer won't give me a reference

A reader writes:

The company I work for has a no-reference policy. From what I can gather, it's because the managers I work for aren't permitted to speak about my performance on behalf of their area managers.

I have worked for the company for 2.5 yrs and have performed well, risen to supervisor, and have received prizes for doing so. However, I didn't finish high school and have wanted to get more qualifications.

I asked my managers if they could write me a reference for my college application, and they said they'd write a character one. I brought in the form and they informed me they couldn't write that as head office told them it would be in breach of the aforementioned reference policy (it took them two weeks to inform me of that). I then asked what they could do within those parameters. They then told me they could give me a reference that was very basic, giving details of how much I'm paid, how many hours I'm contracted for and title within the company etc. Three weeks after I handed them my college application and they have put it off for ages despite me being on their case all the time to ask them to get it done.

I have contacted them outside of work hours asking about it, and they've told me that they're still writing it "off their own backs" and have implied that I should be grateful they're doing it at all. On top of it all, because of all their delays and recent snow I haven't been able to contact the University about the problem.

Am I asking too much of my employer? Are they within their rights not to right me a reference at all, even a basic one?

I'm one of the longest serving members of staff and feel I deserve more.

Are they within their rights? Sure. Is something else going on here? Yes.

That something else is one of two things:

1. They don't feel they could honestly give you a good reference, and they're too weak to come out and tell you that.

or

2. They're rude/inconsiderate/lazy/jerks/all of the above.

If they felt they couldn't give you a good reference, they should have just explained that and not jerked you around. And what's this business about saying they'd give you a "character reference" rather than a performance reference and then not even coming through with that?

At this point, I would give up on getting a reference from them and find a way to complete your application without them. Even if they come through with the bare bones reference they're not promising (pay, hours, and title), I don't think that's something likely to be useful for a college application anyway.

I would also start seriously questioning what kind of people you might be working for, and feeling good about the fact that you're on your way out of there.

backing out of a promise to be a reference

A reader writes:

How do you renege on a promise? I gave a problem employee a promise to be a reference and even wrote one up for her. I am new to management and came by it unprepared. I became pregnant last year and am now a new mom and running a small retail store.

Last year I hired an employee for sales, all the red flags were there, but I hired her anyway.

Two months ago after several transgressions, I fired her for strange behavior like giving her girlfriend access to my email (her girlfriend emailed me abusive emails whenever I reprimanded the employee), and finally when confronted she raged, yelled and threatened. So, I fired her.

Here's my dilemma: Out of misguided sympathy for her rough life and dire home situation. I promised her a reference letter. Now, that a week or two have passed, I am not feeling comfortable with this promise. She has since continued raging and escalated to texting my family asking "why aren't they friends with her on social networks" and explaining how she shouldn't have been fired.

I am uncomfortable with her behavior in a criminal sense (although I doubt I'm in any danger) but she's not acting rationally.

How do I renege on such a stupid promise and make my mistake less damaging than it already is!!?

I have received a call already from a employer asking me to call back. I want to speak the truth in a way that will minimize my ex-employee's reaction and maintain peace as much as possible.

Oh dear. Well, you probably don't need me to tell you this now, but don't promise a reference when you don't think you can be a good one.

In this case, I would recommend contacting the employee -- in writing, not via a phone call -- and very politely saying that while you wish her the best, you are uncomfortable with her behavior since her termination and no longer feel that you would be an effective reference for her. Tell her that you're happy to confirm dates of employment, job title, etc., but that you'd prefer that she use other references for more detailed information. If you want to, you can explain that contacting your family wasn't appropriate and you wouldn't be able to speak to her professionalism as a result.

Be as polite and nice about it as possible ... but also be prepared for her to continue attacking, possibly even more so. It sounds like it's probably unavoidable; you can't always get an easy/pleasant outcome, no matter how much you'd like one.

And then stick to that policy if you do receive reference calls. Simply explain to the caller that you're not able to provide information beyond dates of employment, job title, and responsibilities. They will press you to go further; you are entitled to decline to.

That said, some people might say that you should give a full and candid reference, explaining all the bad behavior she's indulged in. But in doing so, you'll be effectively going to war with this employee, and I don't think you want to do that. I suppose you could add something like, "Her behavior since leaving has made me reconsider my ability to serve as a reference," and then decline to provide details -- but you said you want to keep the peace as much as possible.

when you can't recommend a friend for a job

A reader writes:

I have a friend (kinda) who applied for a position at the hotel I work at. It would be working directly with me. I did not and would not recommend her for this position. I know she is not a good fit.

She applied, put my name down, and got an interview. How do I tactfully tell my boss not to hire her? She is not a team player and I know she would not work out. I cannot work with her and we would be working the same shifts. I also know for a fact that she has talked back to her bosses previously. My mom and brother both worked with her and told me it would turn out bad as well.

Well, first, be sure that you really think she wouldn't be good at the job -- and that it's not just that you don't want to work with her. Because if it's the latter, I can't condone standing in the way of someone finding employment based just on a personal dislike.

But assuming that you really do know her to be someone who wouldn't work out well, you can discreetly mention it to your boss. Be specific about why you think that (not just that you know she wouldn't be a good fit, but why), and make it clear that her putting your name down in no way indicates your endorsement.

You can also mention to your boss that you feel awkward about the position you're in, and ask that he handle your feedback with discretion.

employer won't give job references

A reader writes:

I have recently been on two interviews with a company. "When can you start" and "will this salary be acceptable" have been discussed.

My issue is that my former employer of 12 years has a strict reference policy that only allows them to confirm dates of employment and salary. I provided additional references at the potential new employer's request, one former employee of my former company who now runs his own company, and a current client and current supplier of my former company, as well as a former co-worker of my former employee.

It seems that my potential employer is not aware of this growing trend of strict reference policies and we keep going back and forth: "I still haven't heard back from this person, or that person you provided." "Can you provide more?"

I've been searching for a year with no results and I fear my references situation may be part of it. I did not leave my former employer on bad terms, just felt I need to move on and better myself.

What can I do? I feel like I'm being held back because of this procedure of my former employer and this will affect any future tries at employment. I feel stuck and not sure how to proceed. Can you advise me?

I'd be concerned if a candidate couldn't get a former employer to give her a reference. Yes, many companies do have the type of policy you described, but I've never -- and I mean literally never -- had a problem getting someone at those companies to give a reference anyway. HR may stick to those policies, but the actual managers usually don't. And I would be very surprised if a former employee who shone on the job didn't have past managers jumping to help her.

Have you tried reaching out to your former manager(s) directly, despite what the company says its policy is?

Also, you said that the new employer is telling you they haven't heard back from the references you did provide. That's not a good sign either. Have those references told you that they're able to provide you with a good reference? And that they're available this week (as opposed to out of town, for instance)? You want to prep your references beforehand, to make sure they're going to speak well of you, as well as simply willing to return the calls promptly.

If a candidate told me that they weren't able to get any past manager to serve as a reference (despite the reason) and the references they did give me either weren't getting back to me or weren't in a position to be able to really speak to the quality of the person's performance (which can be the case with peers), I'd consider it a red flag.

I think you do have a reference problem here. I don't know if it's because your references aren't particularly enamored of you or if it's because you haven't been hands-on enough in managing the process, but I recommend being more aggressive in figuring it out. Specifically:

1. Contact your former manager(s) and tell them your job offer is contingent upon the company being able to speak with them. Ask for their help.

2. Contact the other references you offered and say, "The employer is becoming concerned because they haven't heard back from you, and my job offer may be on the line. If you're not able to serve as a reference for me, would you let me know so I can find alternatives?"

3. If all else fails, ask the new employer if they'd accept (hopefully glowing) past performance reviews in lieu of speaking with your manager.

Good luck.

how can I get a boss who doesn't like me to recommend me for grad school?

A reader writes:

I work for a small business, 9 total including 2 CEOs and myself. I am the top performer in the company, the only system expert, and considered the operational "backbone."

My boss is a genius, but she is an abusive bully. She also hates me. I'll be honest, I am not the easiest one to manage. If I see a problem that will cost the company too much money and possibly our reputation, I'll be direct about my concerns often with no sugar-coating. I have acknowledged my weaknesses and have made considerable efforts to change. My boss, on the other hand, is still the same abusive bully.

I am planning to apply for grad school in the next few weeks. How do I get my boss to write a letter of recommendation for me? Even though she hates me, I work for her at $20,000 less than my worth, I am very reliable, and she may not be able to replace me exactly. Although I feel she owes me, I still do not know how to approach her.

I wouldn't ask her for one at all. You want your recommendations to come from your strong supporters, people who can really make a case for you.

Even if she agrees to write you the letter, it doesn't sound likely that it'll be more than lukewarm, and lukewarm letters can be damning. "She works for me for less than she's worth and she's reliable" doesn't exactly make a glowing recommendation.

You want your recommendations coming from someone who will really go to bat for you, arguing your case for you.

Find someone else to recommend you.

is my old manager sabotaging my job search?

A reader write:

I recently retired from a job that I had been at for more than 30 years. For most of that time, I had the same manager. In the last few years, we had a new manager and it was no longer a happy place to work. During that time, I ended ended up almost doing all of the new manager's job for her.

This new manager was a nasty person and although I remained professional and managed to get through it all, I feel they are now making it difficult for me to secure new employment. To make along story short, I feel I am being "blackballed" by this person and that they are not giving me a good recommendation, even though I worked there for so long and had nothing but excellent evaluations, and did a good job.

I am now looking for another job. Since July, I have applied to over twenty jobs and have yet to find employment. I have been called in for at least five serious interviews, but still have not secured jobs which I know that I am qualified for.

I guess my question is this. How do I circumvent what my past employer is doing to me and find employment? Should I contact jobs I did not get after a successful interview and tactfully ask why? Please help me, and I am becoming frustrated.

I don't think we have reason to think that your past manager is giving you a bad reference. It's been three months and you've applied to 20 jobs -- in this job market, that's not a particularly high number.

There are 6.3 unemployed workers to every one job opening, according to recent numbers from the Labor Department. Compare that to the 1.7 unemployed job-seekers per opening that we had back in 2007. What do those numbers mean? That a ton of great candidates aren't getting hired, even when they apply for jobs they're qualified for and even when they do well in interviews.

As I've written here before, hiring managers are rejecting a lot of great candidates right now, candidates we'd happily hire if we didn't have so many others just as qualified to choose from. That means it might not be you, and it might not be your past boss. It might be the math.

But if you're convinced you have a reference problem, you have a few different options (and you could do any or all of these):

1. Call your old manager and ask what kind of reference she's able to give you.

2. Have someone else call her and do a reference check on you. There are companies you can hire for that purpose, but it's cheaper to just have a friend do it for you for free.

3. Explain to prospective employers that you got along well with your manager for 30 years, but during your last four years there, you had a new manager who you didn't mesh well with. Explain that you can give tons of other references who can speak glowingly of you (including your 30-year manager, right?).

But I'm telling you -- 20 job applications and three months isn't that much in this economy, and that might be the real issue.

listing yourself as a job reference

I need to call your immediate attention to this comment from M. left on a recent post:

In the last year, many (candidates) have been listing their mothers as references, and I even had one student last week list HERSELF as a reference. Has anyone else ever seen this?

Listing yourself as a reference is the funniest thing I've heard all week. I could not love this more. (Not in a you-should-do-it way.) I would love to get a reference call for myself! Who better to speak glowingly of me?

And while we're on the subject of things you should not be doing that I've seen done this week, you also should not write in your cover letter that your competence can be seen "in the twinkle in my eyes." (Real quote seen yesterday.)

can I use my ex as a job reference?

A reader writes:

On the application I have been asked to return immediately before what appears to be my final interview, it asks for three references that are not relatives or former employers. I would like to use my ex-wife, but I am concerned if this may be acceptable from the eyes of a recruiter. I am not one who normally keeps good contact with former co-workers or even long term friends. My ex who I have known nearly 20 years is very professional and would give me an excellent reference despite our marital problems. She is well aware of my work ethic and technical abilities. What are your thoughts?

Absolutely not. Using an ex looks really unprofessional.

It's also assumed that she'll be biased in your favor, so any reference she provides isn't useful.

Frankly, I don't get the point of asking for references that aren't professional ones -- I think "personal references" are just about worthless when you're evaluating someone for a job -- but since they're asking for non-employers, you should give clients, non-manager colleagues, or people who know you in your community.

I once called a reference I'd been provided with and discovered during the course of the call that the person was my candidate's ex-boyfriend and had never worked with her professionally. Not only did I disregard his feedback, but it made me wonder about her judgment and professionalism. Don't do it.

4 biggest myths about job references

I get a lot of mail with misconceptions about job references—how they work, who gets called, and what the reference can say. I encounter four myths in particular, over and over. My post at U.S. News & World Report today explains these four common myths and what the facts actually are.

Please check it out and leave your own thoughts in the comments over there!

company dragging its feet on reference-checking?

A reader writes:

I am trying to find out how long, on average, it would take for a company to check my three references they requested. I have recently checked in with all my references and none has heard anything from that company (no call, email, any contact). It's been three weeks since I forwarded their details to the new employer.

To make things even more frustrating, when asked for an update, the person responsible for checking the references, who is also the person who interviewed me, indicated she has not managed to contact "all my references," implying that they did some. I further heard through the grapevine that she indicated in a meeting with the existing team staff, including the hiring manager, that the "reference" they did do was "lukewarm."

I am totally confused. It is obvious that she did not want me hired, but she could easily have done that by just saying my interview was not that great. What do you make of this?

It certainly doesn't take three weeks to check three references, if you're at all motivated to do it. It usually takes a day or two to check references, assuming the references return your calls quickly (and if they don't, that itself can say something).

There are a few possibilities of what's going on here:

1. The person in charge of checking references is lazy and not doing her job.
2. The person in charge of checking references (and/or the rest of the hiring team) isn't that interested in hiring you, but isn't competent enough to just tell you that straightforwardly.
3. Some or all of your references actually were contacted but since they aren't giving you a great reference are finding it easier to tell you that they weren't, rather than deal with the uncomfortable situation of explaining that they didn't have great things to say.

You can't fully control any of these situations, but you can mitigate all of them. Here's what you should do: Email the hiring manager (not the person in charge of checking your references) and ask for a status update. Mention that your references all told you that they have not yet been contacted, and politely ask what sort of timeline the company is working with, both for when your references might be contacted and when you should expect a decision.

Also, are you very sure that all your references will speak glowingly of you? If you have any doubt at all, you should check in with them and make sure these are the correct choices to offer up as references. Being polite and non-defensive, of course, make it clear that you would never want to influence a reference they give for you, but that you'd also rather not supply references who don't feel they can speak glowingly toward your work. Assure them that if they don't feel they're best suited to serve as a reference for you, they can simply let you know that, without any hard feelings. Make it easy for them to opt out. This is a good thing to do with your references as a matter of course, not just in situations like this.

Good luck!

how to explain previous boss was demented?

A reader writes:

My last job was really successful and exciting and I would love to talk about it at length with future employers since I think it's very interesting and highlights a lot of my strengths. I started as an unpaid intern and was promoted to paid assistant within two months. I had a massive amount of responsibility as it was only me, my boss (the owner), and a couple part-timers and interns. In fact, I can honestly say that I ran the office singlehandedly when the boss had a personal emergency that caused her to be out of town for five weeks. All the bills got paid, all the clients were taken care of, I cleaned the office, and I rounded up some new business, all on my own.

The problem is with the reference. My boss has undiagnosed dementia. She has eight out of ten of these symptoms. I have a family member with Alzheimer's and what those symptoms don't really go into detail about is that a person with dementia, especially early-stages, can be really paranoid, angry, and lashes out. My boss was always "eccentric," in fact, everyone I spoke to said that the mark of a good assistant to this woman wasn't any progress in trying to streamline or organize her business in any way, but merely to survive her daily abuse and mercurial moods and whims.

However, after she got back from her emergency, she sweetly told me that she had to let me go because her business was suffering terribly. I asked if there was any feedback or any problems with my performance and she said that no, she loved me and would give me a glowing reference. At first I was ecstatic. I would make way more money in any other job and frankly, it was like I'd suddenly been released from a terrible prison camp. We emailed once or twice over the next couple weeks, when I got two painful surprises:
1. I had been replaced with a paid assistant (i.e., "secretly" fired, I guess).
2. I asked her for that reference and she sent an email that said, essentially, "how dare you ask me for help after all that you did!" along with some personal insults.

I know as well as I can (my personal experience, and asking others who worked with me) that I worked my butt off and I didn't hide dead fish in her office or anything like that when I left that would warrant such anger. My best guess is that this is like my relative with Alzheimer's. She'll accuse other family members of "stealing from her" when they merely pay her utilities, etc. I think that instead of being happy that I took care of the office in her time of need, the experience terrified her, and anything I had moved was stolen, any bills she later forgot to pay was actually something I had messed up, contracts that disappeared into her hoarder apartment I had probably taken away, I stole clients.....I really have no idea since she won't elaborate. I sent her a long apologetic email to that end, but no answer.

The best solution I can come up with is to allude to "difficult working conditions" in my applications, use my coworkers as references, and if I get to the interview stage, plainly state that my old boss has dementia. I can't help but thinking that some future employers may not believe me and that this is hurting my career tremendously. Any ideas?

I think your plan is the right one to use, up until the point where you mention dementia. I wouldn't mention the dementia -- because, no matter how confident you are in your diagnosis, it's your diagnosis, not an official one, and -- when you're talking to people who don't know you and thus don't know that you're not in the habit of throwing around such terms lightly -- it could end up sounding like you're being pejorative or overstating the situation.

But fortunately, you don't need to specify that your boss was suffering from dementia in order to make the basic point you'll need to make to prospective employers if they ask for a reference from her -- which is that your boss promoted you and promised you a glowing reference when she laid you off for financial reasons, but was extremely mercurial and since you left has been freezing you out, but that your coworkers can vouch both for your work and for the difficult temper of the boss.

By the way, any chance you have got a written performance evaluation while you were there? If so, you could also offer up a copy of it to demonstrate that it wasn't until you left that your boss changed her tune.

By the way, speaking of terrible, crazy bosses, I highly recommend this two-part horror/comedy from Radiant Veracity: The Devil Really Does Wear Prada and Part Two.

are bad references stored in a database?

A reader writes:

When I recently applied for a job, I gave my former boss' name on an employment form as supervisor. I was under the impression they would check only my personal references and limit discussions with my former company to dates, salary, job role.

However I am under the impression my former boss gave me a bad reference. I plan not to list him next time, but I wonder if it stays in a database for these 3rd party reference checkers. If my next target employer uses this same 3rd party, I am worried they may say what happen with the last potential employer. Can I assume they start fresh on each background check?

I know there is always a risk they can locate my old boss, but I am more concerned about the database piece.

There are weird assumptions in this letter.

First, good reference-checkers will not limit themselves to just the formal list of references you provide. They will call former managers, listed or not -- and sometimes especially those not listed, since they know the omission may have been intentional and thus notable. (After all, the list you hand over is of course the people likely to present you in the best light, and they want to see you in brighter lighting.) And they won't confine their questions to dates of employment; they'll ask what you were like as an employee.

The only thing typically considered off-limits in reference-checking is your current employer, so assume everything else is all fair game.

As for some sort of universal database for reference-checkers, I know of none. Good reference checkers want to ask their own questions and hear the answers first-hand so they can judge tone, inflections, and so forth. That said, I suppose that if a company uses a third-party reference-checking firm, and then you later apply to another company that uses that same firm, you might be already in their database. I don't use third-party reference checkers, so it's outside my knowledge range. But it's probably irrelevant for the reason above.

If you have a potentially bad reference in your past, here's a previous post on how to handle it. Good luck.