A reader writes:
My girlfriend recently accepted a job at a new company. A day later, completely coincidentally, I applied for a job at the same company. I didn't know it was the same company until the recruiter got back to me and told me, but now I do. I haven't told the recruiter that I am going out with one of their new employees, and I haven't told them. I've had one interview, two online tests, and am having the final interview today.
When do I tell them that I am in a relationship with one of their new employees? We've been going out for over three years so its not a short-term fling or anything, and since we will be in different departments (if I get the job of course) I don't think we'll even see each other during the day that much.
There are three options, and currently I am going to go with option 1:
1. Wait until I have an offer, then call up my line manager who interviewed me (bypassing the recruiter) and tell him. I would say that I wanted to get the interview "on my own merits" without any external influences, and that I may have not got an offer so it wouldn't have mattered. I'd say that I wanted to tell him so that I have been honest with him, and I don't feel it will affect my performance in the office at all. It was a complete coincidence.
2. Tell him in the interview today. I think this would be jumping the gun as I may not even get an offer, and may jeopardize my chances if they do have an issue with it.
3. Don't say anything, start working and pretend we started going out very soon after starting to work there, or just admit it once I start working. This feels wrong as I'm an honest person and think it would create a very bad impression of me.
What do you think?
I think it's none of their business, especially at this stage, and you shouldn't mention it before you get an offer, for that reason.
However, some companies (fewer and fewer, but still some) have policies against "fraternization." These policies are silly, but some places do have them. Your girlfriend should know, or be able to find out, if this one does. If it does (again, very unlikely), you'd have to decide whether to turn down the offer or hide your relationship. (Or, you know, dump your girlfriend.)
But assuming they don't have any policies against it, it's really no one's business, since neither of you would be managing the other and you won't be working in the same department.
Is this a large company? If so, I wouldn't bother mentioning it at all. I also wouldn't try to pretend like you met on the job; I'd just not address it all, because who cares?
But if it's a smaller company, I'd go with your option #1. If they do for some reason think it's a big deal, better to find out at that point than on your first day.
Alternately, if you're the sort who likes causing intrigue, you can generate some major gossip by telling no one, but being seen leaving together on your first day and then many days thereafter. People will think you win over the ladies really, really fast, and you'll be the subject of all kinds of speculation.
Friday, July 10, 2009
and the winner of the contest is...
And the winner of the stupid interview questions contest is...
Rebecca, who managed to work e.coli into her answer, always a winning strategy!
Rebecca, please email me and let me know what product you'd like from CSN Office Furniture (up to a $125 value), along with your shipping address and phone number, and they'll send it out to you.
And thanks for all the amusing answers. If I'm ever asked one of those questions, I think I'd just start laughing. You all are much more creative (and patient/tolerant) than me.
Rebecca, who managed to work e.coli into her answer, always a winning strategy!
Rebecca, please email me and let me know what product you'd like from CSN Office Furniture (up to a $125 value), along with your shipping address and phone number, and they'll send it out to you.
And thanks for all the amusing answers. If I'm ever asked one of those questions, I think I'd just start laughing. You all are much more creative (and patient/tolerant) than me.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
stupid interview questions (and win a free office chair!)
If you could be a tree, what tree would you be?
What type of animal are you most like?
What would I find in your refrigerator right now?
Who the hell is asking these sorts of interview questions? Apparently someone is, because complaints about them abound. But they're lame, and more than being lame, they're useless. People who defend them say that they're supposed to show how creative the candidate is, or how able to think on her feet. I say there there are plenty of other ways to determine that, while still being actually related to the job.
Recently, a friend and I were debating how we'd respond if we were asked any of these in an interview. Our conclusion: not in a way the interviewer would like.
Have you ever been asked these sorts of questions? How did you answer? How would you answer if someone were so lame as to pull this on you?
Leave your answer in the comments section. The best answer will win a free office chair for your home office or any other office furniture of your choice, generously donated by CSN Office Furniture. The winner can pick any item from their site, with a retail value of up to $125.
What type of animal are you most like?
What would I find in your refrigerator right now?
Who the hell is asking these sorts of interview questions? Apparently someone is, because complaints about them abound. But they're lame, and more than being lame, they're useless. People who defend them say that they're supposed to show how creative the candidate is, or how able to think on her feet. I say there there are plenty of other ways to determine that, while still being actually related to the job.
Recently, a friend and I were debating how we'd respond if we were asked any of these in an interview. Our conclusion: not in a way the interviewer would like.
Have you ever been asked these sorts of questions? How did you answer? How would you answer if someone were so lame as to pull this on you?
Leave your answer in the comments section. The best answer will win a free office chair for your home office or any other office furniture of your choice, generously donated by CSN Office Furniture. The winner can pick any item from their site, with a retail value of up to $125.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
should I warn my friend he's about to be laid off?
A reader writes:
About 8 months ago, we hired a new manager who moved very close to me and my family. I am his direct supervisor.
Shortly after they moved here, we invited them over for dinner and we have since become good friends ... dear friends, in fact. Our kids play together, we've been camping together. You know the kind of friends I'm talking about, the kind you wanna keep your whole life long.
Our company is having to initiate a round of layoffs and his position is being eliminated. The announcements won't come out for another two weeks and of course, until then I'm supposed to keep the details (i.e., names of those affected) confidential.
My friend is making plans to travel this summer and he is aware that there are rumors of cut-backs in the air. He's told me, "the sooner I know, the better" as he is in the process of enrolling his kids in school for the fall, his wife is taking college classes, etc.
Do I give him a heads-up and tell him? Or do I wait until D-Day to let the cat out of the bag?
If I tell him, there is a chance that others will find out and my supervisors will eventually discover I broke confidentiality. If I wait until D-day, the late notice will cause considerable stress and hardship - financial and otherwise - for him and his family.
I'm leaning toward not telling him ... but I'm perplexed. Any and all advice appreciated.
Ugh. This is a terrible situation.
Your position gives you access to information that you cannot share with others. If your manager finds out you've broken that confidentiality, it would rightly call into question your ability to keep information confidential in the future, your ability to have personal relationships with people you manage, etc.
However, I think it's all kinds of BS that the company knows it will be laying him off and isn't telling him yet. Yes, I know this is how it's done, but I still think it's unfair and inhumane.
I think there's a middle ground here. I would tell your friend something like, "You know I can't really talk about this, but what I can do is urge you in the strongest terms to wait until the end of the month before making those kinds of decisions." Your friend should get the message, at least enough to proceed with caution and to not feel later like you stood idly by while he made financial commitments that you secretly knew he'd regret.
Plus, it's sensible advice for anyone at a company where there are rumors of layoffs, so you have plausible deniability if ever needed.
What do others think?
About 8 months ago, we hired a new manager who moved very close to me and my family. I am his direct supervisor.
Shortly after they moved here, we invited them over for dinner and we have since become good friends ... dear friends, in fact. Our kids play together, we've been camping together. You know the kind of friends I'm talking about, the kind you wanna keep your whole life long.
Our company is having to initiate a round of layoffs and his position is being eliminated. The announcements won't come out for another two weeks and of course, until then I'm supposed to keep the details (i.e., names of those affected) confidential.
My friend is making plans to travel this summer and he is aware that there are rumors of cut-backs in the air. He's told me, "the sooner I know, the better" as he is in the process of enrolling his kids in school for the fall, his wife is taking college classes, etc.
Do I give him a heads-up and tell him? Or do I wait until D-Day to let the cat out of the bag?
If I tell him, there is a chance that others will find out and my supervisors will eventually discover I broke confidentiality. If I wait until D-day, the late notice will cause considerable stress and hardship - financial and otherwise - for him and his family.
I'm leaning toward not telling him ... but I'm perplexed. Any and all advice appreciated.
Ugh. This is a terrible situation.
Your position gives you access to information that you cannot share with others. If your manager finds out you've broken that confidentiality, it would rightly call into question your ability to keep information confidential in the future, your ability to have personal relationships with people you manage, etc.
However, I think it's all kinds of BS that the company knows it will be laying him off and isn't telling him yet. Yes, I know this is how it's done, but I still think it's unfair and inhumane.
I think there's a middle ground here. I would tell your friend something like, "You know I can't really talk about this, but what I can do is urge you in the strongest terms to wait until the end of the month before making those kinds of decisions." Your friend should get the message, at least enough to proceed with caution and to not feel later like you stood idly by while he made financial commitments that you secretly knew he'd regret.
Plus, it's sensible advice for anyone at a company where there are rumors of layoffs, so you have plausible deniability if ever needed.
What do others think?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
are employers finding out I was a stripper?
A reader writes:
I moved away from home, and got into a bad crowd a couple of years ago. I made some crappy decisions, the biggest one being that I was working in a strip club/business for about three years. Now, obviously, I cannot be absolutely honest in that particular job aspect, and having no tax forms to show I worked there, it's hard to trace. My dad, who knows the situation, told me to put down that I worked for him doing administrative work for those years. I am experienced (worked and took a class) in the basic duties of administrative work, and every test that I have had to take I have done well in (Microsoft Excel, Data Entry 10-Key, Typing). I know that it is basically dishonest to fudge my employment record, but I know the programs, that is what I put as my knowledge, and my dad will back me up.
The problem is this: I get only so far into the interview process, until I sign the form consenting to a background check, and then -- no calls, or outright denied employment. I've been reading your site for awhile now (and have remarkably improved my rusty interviewing skills -- thanks), and figure you could give me an insight on things. Should I say I was an independent contractor for those years? What do employers look up on background checks? I'd appreciate your feedback.
Well, as I'm sure you know from reading this blog, lying about past employment isn't a good idea. You might be better off not making up past employment and not mentioning the strip clubs, and simply starting with no job history. You wouldn't be the first. It will pose an added challenge, for sure, but then you won't be living in fear of the lie being uncovered.
But you don't need me to tell you that, and I'm in a sympathetic mood, so let's move to the substance of your question.
What kind of background checks are these companies doing? If they're looking at your credit report, they may be seeing a red flag in that you have no reported employers for the period in question. However, if they deny your application based information they find in your credit report, they're required by the credit reporting laws to tell you that. So if you're not receiving those notices, that's not what's happening. So let's assume it's not that. A more general background check could also reveal past employers (and in your case, it sounds like they'd find none for that period, which would be suspicious).
But I think there's something else going on, although I don't know what it is. Are there people they might be calling for references who aren't giving the sort of reference you want? (Keep in mind that companies aren't limited to just the list of references they hand them; they can and do also call other employers on your resume.)
It's also possible -- maybe even likely -- that there's nothing going on here; it's a hard economy and your work history isn't extensive, and maybe it's not about this at all. That's a real possibility.
I suggest trying to get some feedback from some of these companies you've applied to. Plenty won't give you any, but you might get lucky and get someone who tells you something useful. In order to have any chance of anyone being honest with you, you need to be really, really clear (in words and in tone) that you are not trying to debate the decision, just trying to get an understanding of why you're not getting job offers. Make them want to help you. There's some advice on how to do that here.
What input do others have?
I moved away from home, and got into a bad crowd a couple of years ago. I made some crappy decisions, the biggest one being that I was working in a strip club/business for about three years. Now, obviously, I cannot be absolutely honest in that particular job aspect, and having no tax forms to show I worked there, it's hard to trace. My dad, who knows the situation, told me to put down that I worked for him doing administrative work for those years. I am experienced (worked and took a class) in the basic duties of administrative work, and every test that I have had to take I have done well in (Microsoft Excel, Data Entry 10-Key, Typing). I know that it is basically dishonest to fudge my employment record, but I know the programs, that is what I put as my knowledge, and my dad will back me up.
The problem is this: I get only so far into the interview process, until I sign the form consenting to a background check, and then -- no calls, or outright denied employment. I've been reading your site for awhile now (and have remarkably improved my rusty interviewing skills -- thanks), and figure you could give me an insight on things. Should I say I was an independent contractor for those years? What do employers look up on background checks? I'd appreciate your feedback.
Well, as I'm sure you know from reading this blog, lying about past employment isn't a good idea. You might be better off not making up past employment and not mentioning the strip clubs, and simply starting with no job history. You wouldn't be the first. It will pose an added challenge, for sure, but then you won't be living in fear of the lie being uncovered.
But you don't need me to tell you that, and I'm in a sympathetic mood, so let's move to the substance of your question.
What kind of background checks are these companies doing? If they're looking at your credit report, they may be seeing a red flag in that you have no reported employers for the period in question. However, if they deny your application based information they find in your credit report, they're required by the credit reporting laws to tell you that. So if you're not receiving those notices, that's not what's happening. So let's assume it's not that. A more general background check could also reveal past employers (and in your case, it sounds like they'd find none for that period, which would be suspicious).
But I think there's something else going on, although I don't know what it is. Are there people they might be calling for references who aren't giving the sort of reference you want? (Keep in mind that companies aren't limited to just the list of references they hand them; they can and do also call other employers on your resume.)
It's also possible -- maybe even likely -- that there's nothing going on here; it's a hard economy and your work history isn't extensive, and maybe it's not about this at all. That's a real possibility.
I suggest trying to get some feedback from some of these companies you've applied to. Plenty won't give you any, but you might get lucky and get someone who tells you something useful. In order to have any chance of anyone being honest with you, you need to be really, really clear (in words and in tone) that you are not trying to debate the decision, just trying to get an understanding of why you're not getting job offers. Make them want to help you. There's some advice on how to do that here.
What input do others have?
Monday, July 6, 2009
when a coworker gets special treatment
A reader writes:How do I deal with a manager who clearly gives special treatment to a coworker? She is very irresponsible, and yet my manager takes her lateness to work as almost cute behavior on her part. A couple of times, my coworker did not even show up to work but my manager never took appropriate action. They have a good relationship, and any other manager would have already fired my coworker for her behavior. How should I handle this situation? It makes me sick sometimes.
You can read my answer to this question over at U.S. News & World Report today. Please check it out and leave your own thoughts in the comments over there.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
an alternative for bored students/grads who can't find jobs
The New York Times had an article on Thursday about college students and recent grads who are finding that the work world is looking a bit different than they'd planned:
I have to thank my mom here, who would never have let me sit around like this. Before my sister and I were old enough to have paying jobs, my mom required us to spend our summers volunteering -- and we did. I volunteered at the local library (where I enjoyed overhearing a parent tell her toddler son that he wasn't allowed to read Curious George books because he was a bad influence, something that amuses me to this day), at a vet clinic (where I discovered I was wrong about wanting to be a vet), and as a candy striper at a hospital (where I discovered I hated candy striping). I thought she was totally tyrannical and ridiculous to require this, especially since all my friends were spending their summers at the pool. But I have a work ethic now, something I definitely was not born with, plus I've continued to volunteer on-and-off ever since, and her being a hard-ass on this issue probably had something to do with that. If nothing else, it gave me a head start on understanding how the work world functioned, something most of my friends didn't get until a lot later.
(That said, for the record, I'm a big fan of lounging about unproductively when/if life allows you to, but (a) the people in this article are complaining about boredom, and (b) since they're facing a highly competitive job market, it wouldn't be a bad idea to do what they can to make themselves stronger candidates.)
The well-paying summer jobs that in previous years seemed like a birthright have grown scarce, and pre-professional internships are disappearing as companies cut back across the board. Recession-strapped parents don’t always have the means or will to bankroll starter apartments or art tours of Tuscany.Um ... Has no one thought about volunteering? Instead of getting bored trying to pass the time with Scrabble and DVDs, you could help where it's needed (and for many nonprofits, it's needed now more than ever), plus give yourself something to put on your resume that's going to look a hell of a lot better than empty space.
So many college students and recent graduates are heading to where they least expected: back home, and facing an unfamiliar prospect: downtime, maybe too much of it. To a high-achieving generation whose schedules were once crammed with extracurricular activities meant to propel them into college, it feels like an empty summer — eerie, and a bit scary.
... Across the country, there are countless tales like that of Morgan Henderson, a student at the University of San Francisco, who, along with friends, planned a big road trip to Las Vegas this summer. With so few of the friends finding jobs, they downgraded plans to a road trip to Reno, then to no road trip at all. They’re spending time watching DVDs at one another’s houses.
Or Kathryn Estrada, a high school senior in Hialeah, Fla., who has no summer job after Circuit City, which employed her during the school year, went out of business. She is finding that even this early in the summer, attempts to while away the hours playing Scrabble and Cranium have grown stale. “We all just wish school would start so we would have something to do,” she said.
I have to thank my mom here, who would never have let me sit around like this. Before my sister and I were old enough to have paying jobs, my mom required us to spend our summers volunteering -- and we did. I volunteered at the local library (where I enjoyed overhearing a parent tell her toddler son that he wasn't allowed to read Curious George books because he was a bad influence, something that amuses me to this day), at a vet clinic (where I discovered I was wrong about wanting to be a vet), and as a candy striper at a hospital (where I discovered I hated candy striping). I thought she was totally tyrannical and ridiculous to require this, especially since all my friends were spending their summers at the pool. But I have a work ethic now, something I definitely was not born with, plus I've continued to volunteer on-and-off ever since, and her being a hard-ass on this issue probably had something to do with that. If nothing else, it gave me a head start on understanding how the work world functioned, something most of my friends didn't get until a lot later.
(That said, for the record, I'm a big fan of lounging about unproductively when/if life allows you to, but (a) the people in this article are complaining about boredom, and (b) since they're facing a highly competitive job market, it wouldn't be a bad idea to do what they can to make themselves stronger candidates.)
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