survived office burglary, then ostracized by boss

A reader writes:

A few months ago, I was the only person in the office over a holiday. Lucky me, the office got broken into. I noticed the thieves before they noticed me, and I barricaded myself in my office and called 911.

But instead of being hailed as a hero, I was surprised by the treatment I got from my boss, the big boss, and HR. First, they told me that I should tell the police that I had not been authorized to work that day, which isn't true! I was scheduled to work that day. I told the police the truth, and when I was subpoenaed to testify at the robbery trial, I told the truth there, too.

Since the robbery, everyone has been treating me terribly. I'm being given bizarre administrative tasks to complete (I do not have an administrative role) and am regularly dumped on by my boss. It feels as though they are trying to get me to quit since they knew they can't fire me. Obviously, time for a new job, and I've been conducting a job search on my own time. I have a third-round interview this week and I feel it's likely I'll be offered the job, but what do I tell them when they ask why I'm leaving my current one? I know my current one won't give a reference, and it's clear they feel disinclined to help me out in any circumstance.

For what it's worth, I'm actually considering litigation against my current job for failing to protect me while I worked alone in an office that has a history of break-ins, and I've got a good case for negligence.

What the hell?!

Seriously, what the hell?

I'm not a lawyer so I don't know if you have a legal case, but what I do know is that your employer is handling this very, very weirdly. You survived a scary and dangerous situation on the job, and now they're telling you to lie and treating you badly? A good manager would have told you to tell the truth, given you a few days off, and been extra nice to you when you came back. I'm glad you're getting out of there.

If you're already on your third-round interview and haven't yet been asked why you're leaving your current job, you may never be asked. But if you are, it's fine to say that you work alone in an office that has had a series of break-in's and after being there for the last one, you've decided to move on. That's reasonable. You don't need to get into your office's weird behavior toward you, since you're able to offer an honest explanation without having to badmouth anyone.

But jeez. Your office sucks.

when does advice become consulting?

A reader writes:

I work in the field of Community Development with an expertise in sustainable agriculture. In the past few years as the organic movement has increased, I have been contacted by nonprofit and government organizations who were referred to me by casual colleagues to answer questions and give advice to people and organizations with regard to their new agriculture programs. I always speak with these people, free of charge, and have been told on occasion that my advice was helpful or that I was the inspiration for their new project. The conversations last maybe an hour by phone or visit, or consist of a few emails.

Can my service to these organizations at any time on a resume be listed as consulting? I ask because I don't want to mislead anyone about the extent of my participation in these programs; but I have noticed that some people who gave me advice on a start up project I did two years ago are claiming that they were my consultant on their resumes and websites with the same amount of advice (only less helpful) that I gave to others, and I felt a little irritated by it because they made it seem as though they were instrumental in the start up and have received industry recognition (such as speaking engagements) on a project that they really didn't participate in other than a brief conversation. I don't want anyone to feel that way about me, but I would like to break into consulting at some time in the future.

Is there some middle ground here to listing this on a resume without being presumptuous and sounding like I am taking too much credit for somebody else's hard work?

Great question. There's no hard and fast rule, like "after two hours, it becomes consulting." But I think a good rule of thumb is to base it on the amount of effort you put in.

For instance, I just sent another organization some advice on laws relating to employee handbooks. I just wrote up a quick email, and it took me 10 minutes, so I wouldn't call that consulting. But if I reviewed their handbook, or if I took the time to meet with them in person, then I would.

Perhaps a good litmus test is: Could you have relayed this same information at a cocktail party? If so, it's probably too light to count. If not, definitely call it consulting.

Anyone have a better way to make the call?

and we're going to strip-search you before the job interview

A reader writes:

After filling out an online application, I received an email from the (large and well-known) employer asking that I return to their career website to provide my date of birth, social security number, and driver's license number. They added that they will only use the information to begin a background check if I were to receive and accept a job offer from them.

Is it weird for a company to ask me for this information and consent (permission to do background check) before even a phone interview or any preliminary step like that? Maybe I am paranoid or maybe it's just that I've never had any organization ask for this immediately upon applying before, but it kinda seems like doing things out of order to me -- like if they wanted to do a credit check on me when I'm one of five final candidates, fine -- but just for applying?

It's not unheard of -- I've occasionally had other readers tell me it's happened to them too -- but I think it's rude and in poor form to ask for it at this stage, and also unnecessary.

It illustrates yet again the frustrating power dynamics that job seekers face in an economy like this. Because really, why should you subject yourself to unnecessary and invasive practices like this? But when you are out of work and looking for a job, need often trumps principle, and understandably so. We should all care, though, that some companies ask people to choose between being considered for a job or standing up for privacy and common sense.

I do think you could simply say you don't provide information like that at this stage, because of concerns about identity theft and the practically universal advice not to release such information until an employment relationship has been created or is imminent. But you have no way of knowing whether the person who would receive that note from you is (a) logical and reasonable or (b) a bureaucrat who cares about procedure above all else.

Which leaves you back where you started, having to decide whether you're willing to subject yourself to unreasonable and unsettling demands in order to be considered for a job there. All before you're even interviewed.

This kind of thing is terrible for employees, and -- assuming you agree that it's in employers' best interest to treat good people well, because even if they don't have many options in today's economy, they will some day -- it's not good for employers either.

how do you survive without a job?

In the comments on a recent post, Kathy asked:

Hi, I have a question that I do not mean with any snotty tone, whatsoever. I am truly curious because it's something I've always wondered:

For those of you unemployed for lengthy periods of time, how do you survive? Did you have a large emergency fund built up? Do you tend to live on credit? Do you just cut back significantly?

Also, is a part-time job a possibility? Again, please understand that I'm asking out of curiosity--not as an attack.

I have often wondered this as I contemplate what would happen if I lost my job. I have probably several months of savings built up (as I continue to build it), but I don't know what I would do much beyond that....?

Best of luck to you all in the job-search mode. Things will get better. It has to.

So many people have chimed in to answer that that I thought I'd create a new post just on this topic.

So far, the following responses were posted:

From Anonymous:

This past July, my partner was laid off. We had 3 months of emergency savings and I was working a part-time job while attending graduate school full time.

We immediately cut out every expense except food, mortgage, gas, electric, internet, and phone. We downgraded our car insurance to the state minimum. We did keep Netflix ($10/mo), but spent no other money on entertainment. My part-time job helped slow the bleeding, but wasn't nearly enough on its own. When the savings ran out, I took extra student loans.

Luckily, the nightmare ended this week as my partner started a new FT job. If it hadn't been for the student loans (which now have to be repaid at exorbitant interest), I don't know what we would've done.

From Unemployed Gal:

@Kathy and others wondering:

Do they all have spouses who make so much that the rent or mortgage can still be paid with half the income gone? My husband has a (reasonably) secure job that barely covers the bills. But we’re “paycheck to paycheck” until I find work.

What do you do when you have no income and a house that won't sell? If my husband lost his job too, I guess we’d have to pick out a nice cardboard box to live in. (In other words, we’re screwed.)

Did you have a large emergency fund built up? We did, until we had several emergencies, including a flooded basement. But that cushion did help.

Do you tend to live on credit? We’ve managed to keep our balances low, but a single illness or emergency repair would definitely fill the cards again.

Do you just cut back significantly? Oh, yeah. I’ve never had this many peanut butter-based meals in my life.

Is a part-time job a possibility? I’m looking for part-time, full-time, and everything in between. Most unemployed aren’t sitting around waiting for that CFO opening. I’d walk your dogs for a paycheck.

What do you do if you're single and you are your only source of income? During a previous period of unemployment in my early twenties, I enrolled in college and paid the rent with student loans. My credit cards got pretty fat then, too. It wasn’t fun, but at least I have a degree (and massive student loans) to show for it.

From another Anonymous:

From a different perspective (as I am single), I have learned the "do you really need that" standpoint. When everything's going well, you don't give two thoughts at purchasing that book or going to the movie theater. But when you are out of a job, you don't pull out your wallet as fast. If I want to read a book, I go to the free public library. Guess what? If I wait, I can also get the new DVDs there too. Yes, I'll wait a good few months to see the movie, but that's $10 that stayed in my wallet for food and other necessities. You'll become creative at saving money but still enjoy things.

Like what Unemployed Gal said, you might cut back on eating out and staying home more often eating peanut butter. You can splurge every now and then, but don't make it a habit.

And coupons become your friends!

Can I thank you? I really appreciate someone finally asking what it is like to be struggling in this time. You appear to appreciate your job and understand that there could be a risk of losing it due to this economy. Thank you for realizing that times are tough. There are people out there who have jobs and turn a deaf ear when they hear others complaining/discussing/mentioning how hard it is out there. Do they live under a rock or can't face the reality? Whichever, I thank you for not being one.

This is a topic that doesn't get enough attention. Thank you for raising it.

how to prepare for a phone interview

I'm always amazed by how often I can tell that a candidate hasn't really prepared for a phone interview. Laziness aside, preparing takes a lot of the stress out of the experience and lets you answer the phone feeling confident and possibly even excited.

Here's what I recommend you do to prepare. Ideally, you'd do this the night before.

1. Go to the employer's Web site. At a minimum, read the "about us" section. Better yet, read enough to get a good feel for their clients, work, and general approach. Don't leave the Web site until you can answer these questions: What does this organization do? What are they all about? What makes them different from their competition?

2. Go through the job description line by line. Think about how your experience and skills fit with each line. Don't be alarmed if you're not a perfect fit; people get hired all the time without being a line-for-line match. The point here is just to get your brain thinking about how you are a match, so that those thoughts are easily retrievable and can be turned into answers in your phone interview.

3. Think about the questions that you're likely to be asked, and write out your answers to each of them. At a minimum, cover these basics: Why are you thinking about leaving your current job? What interests you about this opening? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What experience do you have doing ___? (Fill in each of the major responsibilities of the job.)

4. Think about how you'll answer questions about salary history or expectations, so you're prepared with an answer when it comes up.

5. Come up with two to four questions of your own, because you'll be asked what questions you have at the end of the conversation. Good questions at this stage are clarifying questions about the role itself and open-ended questions about the office culture. You'll also want to ask what their next steps are and their timeline for getting back to you.

That's it. Then, 15 minutes before the call, review your notes from all of the above steps.

If you're not preparing for phone interviews this way, try it next time. I promise you at least a 50% reduction in stress.

combating unhealthy power dynamics during a job search -- the ones in your head

One of the many things that sucks for job seekers is the power differential that exists between job-seekers and employers.

Because the employer has something you want and it's as important as money and possible career happiness, and because at times it feels like employers can wield their power arbitrarily, many people respond in a way that makes the job search experience even harder: They lose all assertiveness and feel utterly helpless during the process. They feel 100% at the mercy of employers, and when those employers act in ways that are confusing or inconsiderate, they feel helpless to change the situation.

It's a recipe not just for frustration, but for outright depression.

It sucks, and you can change it.

How? Be your normal self, not your job-seeking self. Stop feeling like the employer is the source of all power in the world and you are dependent on their good will for your food that day. Don't be deferential or suck up. Act like you are both businesspeople contemplating a relationship with each other, because you are.

Easier said than done, of course. But changing your mindset will make you feel a whole lot better. And not only will it not harm your chances of getting a job, but it may actually help them.

Look at what this means in practice:

Example #1: An employer emails and asks you to name several times you'd be available for a phone interview. You're not sure if they're asking you to remain available at all the times you listed, or if they're going to pick one and tell you, or what.
Unhealthy: Naming five times and planning to remain available and by the phone at all of them.
Assertive: Naming several times and adding, "Please let me know which to plan on, so that I know which one to hold open."

Example #2: An employer tells you they'll call you for a phone interview at 3:00. It's 3:15 and they haven't called.
Unhealthy: Feeling angry and let down and helpless. Doing nothing.
Assertive: Calling them and saying, "We had a 3:00 phone interview scheduled and I'm checking in since I haven't heard from you. Would you like to reschedule or is now a good time to talk?"

Example #3: At the end of the interview, the employer says, "We'll be in touch" but doesn't give you a timeline.
Unhealthy: Obsessing daily for the next two weeks, wondering when you'll hear something.
Assertive: Saying on the spot, "Can you give me a sense of your timeline and when I should expect to hear back from you?" And following up appropriately if that timeframe passes without any word.

The key in all of these is that you're just acting like a normal person -- not too cowed to ask reasonable questions, seeking information that any rational person would understand why you want (even if it didn't occur to them to offer it proactively), and using a tone that is neither obsequious nor demanding, just matter-of-fact and friendly. In other words, you're talking to them like you would talk to a coworker you were already working with.

Trust me, it is fine to do the things in the "assertive" examples above, and other things like them. You will not ruin your chances. But you will reposition yourself mentally to feel less at the mercy of others.

And not only will you find the job search experience less upsetting because you won't feel so completely at the mercy of other people's whims, but you'll also create a side benefit for yourself: When you act like a coworker would, you make it easier for the employer to picture you in that role (as opposed to a desperately frantic job-seeker, which presumably won't be what you're like as a colleague). And by respecting your own time, you'll signal to the employer that you're someone whose time is worthy of respect.

Try it. And hang in there...

angry that I didn't get the job; can I protest this?

A reader writes:

Following an advertisement on the website, I applied for a job ( through an agent). I have been subjected to a telephone interview, face to face interview with the person supposedly to be reporting to. Later they sent forms for my criminal record checks, reference checks and completion of employee profile form, which I did. All this gave me an impression that everything was well. I was asked to set aside time to meet the senior in the unit. I asked for the agenda, at which I was told it's an informal meeting as she just wanted to meet with me nothing to serious and nothing do with the interview process. My hopes and expectations went high again. Our meeting was another interview, very similar to the one I had before. I came out convinced that I got the position. She even shared with me that it takes time for their HR to complete the process, so therefore I must be patient. No problem.

Today, I got a message that I didn't get the job. Is this a fair process? Why was I subjected to all the interviews, meetings and completing the forms? For that matter, I happen to know that there was no other candidates. Can I challenge the process? I feel they lied to me and subjected me to interviews or I didn't meet the requirements according to her (the senior), as all the changes came after the meeting. As much as I might not be the ideal candidate, I feel so unfairly treated and I have asked for a formal meeting for feedback. Is this appropriate or I am just overreacting? Can I challenge the process? And since the position is still open, can I send my cv again or how best can I do it?

I'm sorry you didn't the job. It can be really disappointing to put in all that time and energy and feel that things are going well, only to then find out that you didn't get it.

But ... this is the nature of job searching. You get interviewed, fill out forms, and so forth -- and there's no guarantee that it will end in a job offer. None at all. In fact, the majority of candidates who go through that process for each job don't end up with a job offer.

Sometimes it's because someone else was a better fit. In a case like this, if you're right that you were the only candidate being interviewed, the reason is that you weren't the right fit.

It's easy to secondguess that and think that they're wrong -- and maybe they are. But more likely, you really aren't the right fit for the role they're trying to fill. There are all kinds of reasons this could be the case. Candidates tend to think, "They didn't think I was good enough." But many, many times it's something else, not your skill set -- for instance, that you wouldn't mesh well with this particular manager or this particular team or this particular office culture. These things matter, and it's very hard for a candidate to judge this factors from the outside the way an interviewer can judge them from the inside. The best thing you can do is accept this and move on.

I wouldn't ask for a meeting for feedback -- that's asking a lot of them. But it's fine to ask for feedback via email or phone. However, you minimize your chances of getting honest feedback if you appear to be challenging their decision. (Here are some tips on asking for feedback after a job rejection.) Good luck!