tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post799590676225960805..comments2023-09-29T06:09:21.089-04:00Comments on Ask a Manager: will attitude affect references?Ask a Managerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05281942480230532899noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-60066098585219248412010-02-22T14:16:30.362-05:002010-02-22T14:16:30.362-05:00I find the response to this reader both expected a...I find the response to this reader both expected and disturbing. It is expected because most people cannot truly think outside of the boxes they have been living in their entire lives. It is disturbing because there is so much more to life than the relatively small boxes in which most of us live. <br /><br />"I suspect your resentment is showing in more ways than just not smiling and not going to lunch." This is merely a statement of the obvious. <br /><br />"Drop the resentment. Focus on the fact that you're now taking action to do something different." This is a pat anecdote. While resentment does get in the way, telling someone to "get over it" is not helpful. In fact, it continues to engender thinking inside the box. It continues this because the entire problem this person, and everyone like this person has is that the box exists. Only when these boxes - these mental prisons - are removed, can problems like this truly be solved. Only when humanity grows up and stops constantly "competing" with one another for resources will people be able to simply focus on what is important to them. Prior to this evolutionary step, most people's choices are limited to knowing what is wrong and fighting the system, or not knowing what is wrong and suffering through this for a lifetime. <br /><br />Attitude is a personal choice. As long as you are doing the job, your attitude is your personal decision. Most people are not hired to smile all day. They are hired to perform tasks. If the tasks are getting done, the employer should back off. Employers harp on attitude because they are insecure and immature, and do not know how to be around people that remind them of how unhappy they themselves are. THIS IS NOT THE EMPLOYEE'S PROBLEM. This goes right back to my above point - that humanity needs to grow up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-91576458808320301662008-09-02T10:55:00.000-04:002008-09-02T10:55:00.000-04:00I'm sorry to be brutally honest, but attitude and ...I'm sorry to be brutally honest, but attitude and fit are a huge part of how someone is "viewed." While you may be getting your work done, if you've got a chip on your shoulder, you don't get the same kind of recognition. For your supervisor to reiterate four times that your attitude is a problem, means that it's a huge problem and you should work on it. You're not keeping your private life private if you're coming in and acting withdrawn or cold. I'd start by fixing whatever is going on internally before trying to move jobs. If the problem is at home, moving jobs will only momentarily take the focus off your unhappiness. If I did a reference check and found out that the current manager had concerns about attitude, I'd second guess the hire.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-27323388219374356522008-09-01T09:18:00.000-04:002008-09-01T09:18:00.000-04:00A couple of thoughts for the poster. As you start...A couple of thoughts for the poster. As you start your search, make sure that you are in a good place to interview. I have seen some people who pull off terrific interviews regardless of the external world and I have seen others who simply can't pull it off at all. They are a mess. <BR/><BR/>Job searching is stressful by itself - and you would be adding it to a less than perfect (new)job and some external stresses. <BR/><BR/>I would suggest that you find a friend (or someone close) who can help you do a temperature check and who will give you some honest feedback. <BR/><BR/>Good luck in your search. HRMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-21812680066964805442008-08-30T18:30:00.000-04:002008-08-30T18:30:00.000-04:00The first commenter is absolutely correct. This i...The first commenter is absolutely correct. This is why I hate the word "attitude" in manager and employee conversations. Address specific behaviors and leave it at that. For example: "Jane, when you rolled your eyes and sighed heavily during the meeting it was distracting and disrespectful to the speaker. Please do not do that again." Now the employee has very specific feedback and instructions. YAY!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-38752812291121715622008-08-30T16:45:00.000-04:002008-08-30T16:45:00.000-04:00I think for many of us, one key to coping at the w...I think for many of us, one key to coping at the workplace may lie in distinguishing between our internal attitudes and any observable external behavior at all.<BR/><BR/>What a boss describes as <I>attitude</I> is something she or he will figure out from behaviors they observe. Bosses do this -- we all do; that's fine. So here's my view: as an employee my actual, internally felt <I>attitude</I> is my own domain. I keep it that way. I am only being paid to <I>act as if</I> my attitude is constructive, participatory, and so forth. So I absolutely act that way. I say "how can I help you," "I'm glad you told me what you needed," "I admire how you did that," and other external actions that are consistent with an attitude of being delighted. And I really sound like I mean it, too. I get complimented on my "attitude." But in fact, do I ask it of myself to feel delighted? No. That's my private territory. My associates, superiors and subordinates have no right to know my actual private attitude. They only have a right to infer what they think it is from every single thing they observe me do. If I have trouble keeping something in, I go and do a workout or something.<BR/><BR/>This isn't cynicism. This really works for me.<BR/><BR/>P.S. I don't tell people this at work. That would be acting less than constructive. It's important to act constructively.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com