tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post867033186092756971..comments2023-09-29T06:09:21.089-04:00Comments on Ask a Manager: former boss is waging campaign of harassment against meAsk a Managerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05281942480230532899noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-71042119751228736392009-12-02T01:37:05.435-05:002009-12-02T01:37:05.435-05:00Well small update: she's been on facebook maki...Well small update: she's been on facebook making 'jokes' about baseball bats and knee caps, and I just received notification from my boss that she'll be joining us for a post-mortem meeting next week. it's going to be a long meeting with just her, my boss, and several of my immediate coworkers in a room, including two who I technically supervise. How do I get through that without coming off as unprofessional? Is it an option to call in sick that day, or is that just childish?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-73238535228686667182009-11-25T23:34:15.905-05:002009-11-25T23:34:15.905-05:00Having lived in close proximity to two people with...Having lived in close proximity to two people with bipolar disorder (not both at once, fortunately) I agree with AAM. Don't engage. This kind of person is likely just to see it as a challenge.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-65788915190125447852009-11-25T10:09:52.405-05:002009-11-25T10:09:52.405-05:00I don't know that you CAN make her stop. It...I don't know that you CAN make her stop. It's possible that the country you're in might have defamation laws that could come in to play. It's also possible that she might respond to you reaching out to her -- or that might make it worse. It's really hard to know, unfortunately. <br /><br />Maybe you could have a mutual friend talk to her and point out that she's only making herself look bad and try to get her to stop. She might be more willing to respond to a third party than you ... or, if she's crazy, that might just further inflame her and make her want to "prove" to you that you can't influence her. <br /><br />(Gavin De Becker has some good stuff on this in his book and basically recommends not engaging at all, because in some situations it can make things worse.)Ask a Managerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05281942480230532899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-76462196685602369702009-11-25T08:36:07.543-05:002009-11-25T08:36:07.543-05:00I hate the fact she's essentially driving me o...I hate the fact she's essentially driving me out of a job but I think you may be right. My boss has issues of her own, so it wouldn't neccessarily be a bad thing. And yes, crossing the line between manager and friend was a HUGE mistake. I cry age and experience: I'm at the beginning of my career, and I made a mistake. Not one I'll be repeating! Unfortunately, I made it with someone who later proved unprofessional, unable to divide personal from professional, not to mention diagnosed bipolar. <br /><br />In the meantime, anyone have any thoughts on how to make my ex-manager STOP? a few more facebook posts have gone up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-81378601067977042172009-11-25T03:06:09.267-05:002009-11-25T03:06:09.267-05:00Really excellent thoughts from everyone regarding ...Really excellent thoughts from everyone regarding a nightmare situation. <br /><br />The devil is in the details - and this time I think those details are cultural. That's why I agree with Kerry and Teresa...a new job asap is the way out. Other than that, being a guest worker in a Muslim country, know if you are under Sharia law and what the rules are. I'd also suggest keeping a low profile.Marsha Keefferhttp://mintresumes.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-40124991957632135352009-11-24T22:11:16.466-05:002009-11-24T22:11:16.466-05:00I agree with everyone's saying above. Just one...I agree with everyone's saying above. Just one more comment - the line was crossed when the employee had a very personal relationishp with the manager by being close to her brother, by living together, by commuting daily to work. Who is going to believe either party when all the bondaries were crossed and mixed up? This is a bazar situation where professional norms no longer apply. You can't have a cake and eat it.<br />I would say - get out of this situation and quick!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-67550889903304990852009-11-24T18:11:35.069-05:002009-11-24T18:11:35.069-05:00I'm going to touch on a couple points that see...I'm going to touch on a couple points that seemed to have been overlooked. The OP appears to be a woman (I'm guessing on this one but since she mentioned her former boss was a woman and they lived together in a Muslim country, chances are she is also a woman). She's also an outsider (it seems). There are international issues, different cultural norms, police presence and well, laws.<br /><br />My advice...address this head on. Take screen shots of everything...document, document, document and find a neutral third person to sit in on the discussion. Tell this woman that you are very concerned and if she does not stop what she is doing, you will be forced to take steps to rectify it. Do a bit of research to see if you have any legal back up. (ALERT: generalization ahead) Muslim countries sometimes have stricter guidelines as far as social accepted behavior. Perhaps her threatening you could cause her own arse to be deported?<br /><br />Slander? Questioning a woman's honor? These are things that might be taken very seriously in other countries. Do a bit of research and see if there is anything at all you can do.<br /><br />If not, see if there are other opportunities there...if you're tied to your current employer because of visa/work permit issues, my only suggestion is to either accept it or move on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-64628433804849695102009-11-24T16:24:47.361-05:002009-11-24T16:24:47.361-05:00Clarify she's THREATENING YOUR LIFE.
That is...Clarify she's THREATENING YOUR LIFE. <br /><br />That is never, ever kosher.Mary Suehttp://eatdrinkandbemarysue.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-43980882346880761932009-11-24T12:08:33.747-05:002009-11-24T12:08:33.747-05:00I agree with Kerry. It's not worth your safet...I agree with Kerry. It's not worth your safety and sanity to stay at this job no matter how meaningful the work is. If your boss just gave you the "eye roll" when you said you were afraid, that is definately not someone you want to work for.<br />Get out now, before your opportunities evaporateteresahrgirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-13599287575692289592009-11-23T15:11:37.877-05:002009-11-23T15:11:37.877-05:001. Notify HR and your boss
2. Obtain a restrainin...1. Notify HR and your boss<br /><br />2. Obtain a restraining order<br /><br />3. Try to find a new job<br /><br />4. Consider moving<br /><br />5. Hurry!Kingsley Tagbohttp://www.it-career-coach.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-9454485858260579832009-11-23T15:02:05.645-05:002009-11-23T15:02:05.645-05:00As Kerry said, it's time to find a new job.As Kerry said, it's time to find a new job.Suzanne Lucashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07129772885673695447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-55585863445484838712009-11-23T14:51:17.569-05:002009-11-23T14:51:17.569-05:00Honestly? If I were you, I'd be actively look...Honestly? If I were you, I'd be actively looking for a new job. Sometimes you're in a no-win situation, and the thing about no-win situations is that you aren't going to win. That's why they're called that.<br /><br />In a situation where you have limited control over what's going to happen, you have to control all you can. For me, that would mean taking steps to get out of this situation altogether.Kerry Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17590443839479686201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-74530342503074979562009-11-23T14:41:10.767-05:002009-11-23T14:41:10.767-05:00Hi, I'm the original poster. thanks everyone f...Hi, I'm the original poster. thanks everyone for your concern! I actually took some of the advice today and approached my boss. We're a small company and don't have a legal or HR department, so I just asked to speak privately with my boss. I presented it as suggested- that this has been going on for over 6 months, I'm afraid of her and I don't want it to impact the company.<br /><br />let's just say it wasn't received well. My boss sighed, half rolled her eyes, told me I was being ridiculous and that clearly she didn't mean the whole want-you-dead-or-deported (I work internationally, which actually makes going to the police out of the question as well. The laws are really different here) and I was blowing it out of proportion. She did say that she'd known my ex manager a while and would take these sorts of things with a grain of salt, but that she'd appreciate it if I didn't let my personal issues interfer with the work of the company- which is code for my ex manager in her new position is able to give work to my company, and my boss would like the cash.<br /><br />So where do I go from here? Any suggestions? I WILL have to see her in the very near future at meetings and such, and now that I've brought it up and my boss responded in a tone that suggested she thought I was being petty and immature and unprofessional, I'm going to have to make sure these meetings go smoothly. Thoughts? <br /><br />PS I couldn't find that book but I did some googling. I don't think she's actually dangerous to me physically, but mentally and emotionally she's capable of anything. And she's not above getting me fired or deported- that's a big worry. I work in a muslim country where the rules, while seldom enforced, are strict- and it's happened before that someone whispering in the right ear has led to a deportation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-19322436015129155652009-11-23T12:57:37.433-05:002009-11-23T12:57:37.433-05:00Yes, I'd go to the police, and at the very lea...Yes, I'd go to the police, and at the very least get a lawyer and prepare to sue for libel/slander. If she has a campaign against you and it's not all true, a lawsuit can shut up a lot of people. Or even the threat of one.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-27467012900747397062009-11-23T12:34:01.643-05:002009-11-23T12:34:01.643-05:00I'm going to repeat the advice to go to the po...I'm going to repeat the advice to go to the police and also document everything. If possible I'd also ask a sympathetic friend or colleague to document any harassment or aggressive behaviour they witness so you have a neutral, third-party's version of what is happening as well.fifihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11997575604784518407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-46034144111444619202009-11-23T09:47:41.858-05:002009-11-23T09:47:41.858-05:00Just to elaborate on what ITPF said:
- Take scre...Just to elaborate on what ITPF said: <br /><br />- Take screenshots of Facebook or any other internet communications<br />- Keep text messages on your phone; take photos of them too in case something happens to your phone<br />- Print copies of e-mails <br />- Audio-record voicemails<br />- If she physically shows up at your home, work, or any place you frequent, have a camera or video camera handy<br /><br />Take it from someone who's had to file a restraining order before: No amount of documentation is too much. Having all of this will make any legal process you have to go through much, much easier.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-2164489872870599522009-11-23T09:36:40.293-05:002009-11-23T09:36:40.293-05:00What about contacting the police? It seems there m...What about contacting the police? It seems there might be some grounds for some sort of restraining order if she is threatening your life and you can prove it. At the very least, have a conversation with the police.<br /><br />As everyone else has stated, tell HR or someone with some authority at your company. Don't wait any longer. This is already out of hand.HR Godesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12581227906582298895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-34303342436585083492009-11-23T08:58:52.455-05:002009-11-23T08:58:52.455-05:00The 'she wants you dead' kind of talk is a...The 'she wants you dead' kind of talk is at least a good reason for you to call the local police.<br /><br />Also -- document EVERYTHING -- it may hurt, but capture everything she says about you on-line. Make notes about when she invades your work life etc. She's doing this intentionally and she's unstable. Clearly, she can't let go and get over her own poor behavior. She's blaming you for her problems and you may need a pattern of harassment later.Inside the Philosophy Factoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12255753259090709877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-6495827583202648492009-11-23T08:46:08.969-05:002009-11-23T08:46:08.969-05:00I totally agree with everything already said. The...I totally agree with everything already said. The only thing I'd add is, "Hurry." This has already gone on long enough.<br /><br />And I'd emphasize the part about her wanting you dead, and about being afraid of her. That's just whack right there.Kerry Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17590443839479686201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-45026498381608236282009-11-23T08:46:03.666-05:002009-11-23T08:46:03.666-05:00I totally agree with everyone else. This former ma...I totally agree with everyone else. This former manager is totally crazy. Go get legal help and have a nice talk with HR.CH1https://www.blogger.com/profile/12839029569078102334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-66081794230027245872009-11-23T07:02:22.198-05:002009-11-23T07:02:22.198-05:00I second the Gavin de Becker book. I think it sho...I second the Gavin de Becker book. I think it should be mandatory reading. But, holy cow! <br /><br />And I think the company would have liability, but honestly, in a situation like this, who cares about liability once crazy lady attacks?<br /><br />Tell HR. If HR doesn't respond, try to escalate. If you have a legal department I'd try them as well--liability is a scary word to lawyers.Suzanne Lucashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07129772885673695447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558939360732260529.post-7765337993750875692009-11-23T02:15:51.819-05:002009-11-23T02:15:51.819-05:00I'd second the talk to a lawyer part of the re...I'd second the talk to a lawyer part of the response.<br /><br />Your complaint in a nutshell is that someone you'd prefer to no longer have any personal or professional relationship with whatsoever is attacking your reputation and butting into situations where she is unwelcome with unsolicited criticism.<br /><br />I'm no lawyer either, but to the extent this is in any way demonstrably injurious to you, this screams of slander/invasion of privacy to me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com